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Counseling, Coaching and
Mediation Myths "Truthful words stand the test of time, but lies are soon exposed". Proverbs 12:19
Myth 1- Christians don't need counselors, they should be able to read
the Bible and live Godly lives without others influence- Myth 2- If I start Counseling I will have to continue to go for the rest of my life. Our goal is to help you overcome whatever problem or issue that is bothering you and give you tools that you can use whenever you encounter new problems or reencounter the old ones. It is our hope that this can be done in a very brief period and usually it is. For many people counseling requires a limited number of sessions. Those with more difficult problems may find it useful to continue with visits as long as improvement is being seen. A few people find it necessary to continue on regular or periodic basis for longer periods time. Each person's plan focuses on their needs and we try to reach successful outcomes in the briefest time possible. For mediation we strive for a quick resolution with a single face to face session, though occasionally it takes two or three. Coaching, like counseling is designed to meet the individual needs. The goals are set by the person being coached and they determine when their goals have been reached and when to restate their goals. Myth 3- Counseling is very expensive and I probably cannot afford it. The cost of counseling is not cheap. It costs in terms of time, effort, commitment and money. The relative cost depends on the impact of your reason for seeking counseling on you, your family, your job, and your life. Some problems are just irritants that have little outside impact, while others impact everybody and everything around us. When your problem has great impact on your family, friends, your marriage, your relatives and your job, the need to seek a solution can far outweigh the cost in terms of money, time and effort. At Counseling the Lord's Way, we seek to help those in need by setting the cost at a level that allows the person to obtain the help they need without enduring greater stress and impact on their lives. In most cases our clients find that the benefit of counseling far outweighs the cost and they are willing to commit themselves to not only paying the monetary costs but in making the commitment to getting well by investing the time and effort required. If your income is low we provide counseling at a cost you can afford by allowing you to set the cost after the first meeting. But it is essential that you understand that, in order to get well, all must make a sacrifice in terms of time, effort, commitment and money. Myth 4- Counseling is only for people who are crazy. Counseling is a way of obtaining a new skills, new viewpoints, or new ways of thinking, that help people cope with their everyday lives. We don't counsel crazy people; crazy people cannot learn the skills we provide. All of our clients are people just like you and me who have somewhere in their life become overwhelmed by events of the past, stresses of the day, or poor learning patterns all of which are potentially things which can be dealt with. We can all benefit from counseling and perhaps all should have the opportunity to improve our lives through good, scripturally based counseling. People need to take responsibility for the things in their life which are not going well, and responsible people seek help to deal with the stress and problems that keep them from being able to cope or becoming the people God intended us to be. Those who seek help are usually much more emotionally healthy to begin with than those who refuse to seek help and they often become even stronger and healthier for their effort. Myth 5- I am already overwhelmed with all the things in my life, I don't have the time to go to counseling. Often we find that the reasons we need counseling are the very things that have overwhelmed us and are taking huge chunks of time out of our lives. They are preventing us from having the time to get organized, learn things we need to learn, take care of the things we need to take care of and provide the stress that eventually makes us physically or emotionally sick. When we become sick, that eats even more time. The time invested in counseling is typically an hour a week or less although there is always a small amount of homework which often fits right into what we already are doing or even helps us do it better. Many people can achieve their counseling goals in a limited number of visits and begin to turn their lives around as a result. The question is, can you really afford not to find the time for counseling? God tells us to seek Godly counsel from wise men, so He was aware that there would be times when we need the input of others to help us live the life He intended.
Myth 6- A Christian Counselor will just preach to me and give
me nothing more than I can get in Sunday School or Church. Myth 7- Life Coaches are just people who are out to get your money by telling you what you already know. It is possible that what your life coach will tell you are things that you already know. But, if you already know them, why are you not already doing the things you want to do? Why are you not already free from stress, making the most of who you are, or becoming the person you and God want you to be? Most of us are too close to our own situation to be able to focus clearly on what we need to do to achieve the results we desire. The Life Coach reflects us like a mirror so that we can see where we are lacking, and where we can improve to maximize our abilities and use our time and talents to the get the greatest effect. They are trained with specific skills in their area of expertise to help you strengthen your strengths and minimize your weaknesses. Most of us go through life trying to strengthen our weaknesses with very little success. God gave us strengths so that we can use them for His purpose and that is where the Christian Life Coach will focus. Most of those who seek out coaching find that they significantly improve their lives in the direction they seek to go if they commit to following the guidance they are given and learn the skills the coach can provide. Myth 8- A Mediator will find a solution to my issues but I will still lose in the long run. Christian Mediators are in the business of helping resolve conflicts between friends, family members, churches and staff, and others who seek to have a Godly solution and remain in a Godly relationship at the conclusion of the mediation. They seek a win-win solution where both parties agree on the outcome and neither side loses. There is usually a fixed cost, but it is almost always significantly less than the cost of litigation and has the advantage of being private and confidential and typically the resolution is achieved in a much shorter time period than with litigation. God has directed us to keep our conflicts within the bounds of the fellowship and to avoid secular means of resolving disputes. "How is that when you have something against another Christian, you "go to law" and ask a heathen court to decide the matter instead of taking it to other Christian to decide which of you is right? Don't you know that some day we Christian are going to judge and rule the world? So why can't you decide even these little things among yourselves?" 1 Corinthians 6:1-3 Myth 9- I don't want everybody knowing my business or to know I'm going to counseling. When you go to counseling people will only know that you are in counseling if you tell them. Most counselors are bound by a strict "Code of Ethics" that requires all counseling to be done under the most strict Confidentiality. Records must be kept under lock and key, and except under extreme cases the conversations between a counselor and client are not even admissible as evidence in court. If you maintain a ministerial relationship with your counselor, they may also have "Pastoral privilege" in which a pastor's discussions with his congregant are confidential and not admissible as evidence. In order for any information you provide during counseling to be acknowledged or shared with others including your spouse or other relative you would have to provide us a release in writing indicating that you approve for that information to be released. Of course, anything you say in the presence of your spouse or other person present during counseling is not confidential where they are concerned, but should be confidential to outside of the counseling situation, as those in the counseling situation would be reminded that "what goes on in counseling, stays in counseling". Myth 10- Paying to go to counseling is ridiculous when I have friends and family who can listen and advise me? It is wonderful if you have friends and family who will listen and discuss your problems with you. It would be great if everyone had such loyal support. Hopefully, they will continue to support you when you try to change behavior, or need to dedicate time to recovery or learning new habits. Often we find that friends and family, will advise, but the advice either comes from what they read, have been told or believe. Often it is neither factual nor accurate. Like many of the myths above, a lot of information which you may receive can be wrong or not just not very useful in a healing way. Sometimes what well meaning friends tell us is biased. Why? Because they like you just like you are, or because if you change it will change things for them and possibly make them have to change. Sometimes what you are doing is meeting needs for those around you even if it is not the best thing for you. Also, as far as family is concerned, there are often things in peoples background that they don't need or want to share with family members, or perhaps family members are part of the problem or have contributed to the problem. The bottom line is that relying on family and friends alone rarely leads to improvement. In counseling, we will focus on you and getting you better first and the private needs or desires of friends and family will be less important. We approach you without the bias that is found in the family and friendship situation. We can look objectively at your situation. The Christian counselor is specifically trained to know what you need in relationship to your spiritual and emotional life and how to accomplish that in a positive and scripture based manner. Your friends and family probably don't have the knowledge or skill necessary to really help in this way. Counselors, Mediators and Coaches have a vast toolbox of skills which we can apply including assessment, biblically based therapy procedures and learning methods, Bible knowledge and other means related to your needs.
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Contact Information
Send mail to
DrWayne@counselingthelordsway.com with questions or comments about this
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